Monday, September 19, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Relying on Google
I joked for several years that I do not need to know anything anymore, because I have Google and a smartphone. My reliance on Google and the smartphone became clear this evening. Will cannot find his iPod. He always is incredibly careful with it, so I know it is here, just not its exact location. I did what I always do when I need to know something---I picked up my phone. I realized I was getting ready to Google, "Where is Will's iPod?" Google has its limits.
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Vacation is all screwed up
It is supposed to be 98 in Santa Claus, Indiana on Thursday, with a heat index of 106. I did not think that would make for a fun day at Holiday World. Being a go-with-the-flow kind of girl (at least 80% of you laughed so hard coffee came out your nose when you read that), I changed our plans. We will do Holiday World on Tuesday (only 93!) and see Mammoth Cave in September.
We are a little bummed, but I am modeling adaptive behavior. Speaking of that, I will update on most of what we learned about Will. It is a long post. The child is a mystery. The first bit I will share is that he has reversed dominance. That means his brain chose the wrong hand. All of his indicators would say, "This is a left-handed person." For example, one test times how long it takes to put golf tees in a peg board in a pattern. It was 70 seconds on the right; 68 on the left....a nearly 50/50 split with left being slightly preferred. Most people have an 85/15 split for the preferred hand. The thing is....Will is right handed. He never showed any ambiguity on this; always ate right, colored right, reached right. I know kids who *demonstrated* dual capability. Will *possesses* dual capability, but demonstrates strong preference.
Handwriting issues like his are either visual-spatial or motor. His V-S score was excellent, so it is all motor. He has claimed for years that he is ambidextrous, and I shrugged it off. I had him do two handwriting samples last weekend....you could not tell which had was dominant. They both sucked ;-) but left sucked slightly less.
We are a little bummed, but I am modeling adaptive behavior. Speaking of that, I will update on most of what we learned about Will. It is a long post. The child is a mystery. The first bit I will share is that he has reversed dominance. That means his brain chose the wrong hand. All of his indicators would say, "This is a left-handed person." For example, one test times how long it takes to put golf tees in a peg board in a pattern. It was 70 seconds on the right; 68 on the left....a nearly 50/50 split with left being slightly preferred. Most people have an 85/15 split for the preferred hand. The thing is....Will is right handed. He never showed any ambiguity on this; always ate right, colored right, reached right. I know kids who *demonstrated* dual capability. Will *possesses* dual capability, but demonstrates strong preference.
Handwriting issues like his are either visual-spatial or motor. His V-S score was excellent, so it is all motor. He has claimed for years that he is ambidextrous, and I shrugged it off. I had him do two handwriting samples last weekend....you could not tell which had was dominant. They both sucked ;-) but left sucked slightly less.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Badger
I was getting antsy about the test results for Meara, so I began a badgering campaign on Monday. I have been speaking mostly with the hospital neuro dept and the office of their pediatric epileptologist. FINALLY, yesterday, the ped's office called to say that they had the results and that Meara showed "substantial pro-seizure activity" in the right frontal area.
Um. OK. Well, WHAT THE FUCK? Last time, it was in the Cz point on an EEG. I immediately called Dr. Patel's office and said, "What the fuck?" though in a more reasonable way that would not scare off his nurse practitioners who don't know me like he does.
Being the insane (but lovable!) woman that I am, I starting all kinds of premature research. I did not have the medical vocabulary that I needed,(Foci drift? Foci migration?) but I did find that it is not terribly unusual as the nervous system matures. It is unusual for it to not happen during a major change, like into or out of puberty. Anterior to posterior was more likely for Meara's age group than hers which moved anterior.
So, the message I left for Dr. Patel's office was something along the lines of asking if I should be looking for something different in presentation or if we need to change anything.
This is where things get kind of weird. The hospital called today and said that their doctor had done the transcription this morning and that they were sending the results to the ped. I said, "They called yesterday with the results; thanks for getting those to the right doctor for us." "I didn't fax those yesterday. The transcription was not done until this morning." "Did someone else send the preliminaries over?" She did not know, but wanted me to know she was sending the whole thing over to the ped.
Dr. Patel's office called just a few minutes later and asked me to clarify what I knew. I told them what I knew, which was little, but that I just needed to know what the changes meant. She said she would call me back.
Dr. Patel wants the CD of the EEG. This was obviously not what he expected. The CD won't be ready until Tuesday. The hospital has said that they will release the CD to a family member to FedEx to Ohio. I know he read the first one she had with him. I wonder if he will want the ones she had at two-days old and three-months old as well.
So that is where we stand on the little one. We find out all of Will's issues tomorrow. These kids and their brains!
Um. OK. Well, WHAT THE FUCK? Last time, it was in the Cz point on an EEG. I immediately called Dr. Patel's office and said, "What the fuck?" though in a more reasonable way that would not scare off his nurse practitioners who don't know me like he does.
Being the insane (but lovable!) woman that I am, I starting all kinds of premature research. I did not have the medical vocabulary that I needed,(Foci drift? Foci migration?) but I did find that it is not terribly unusual as the nervous system matures. It is unusual for it to not happen during a major change, like into or out of puberty. Anterior to posterior was more likely for Meara's age group than hers which moved anterior.
So, the message I left for Dr. Patel's office was something along the lines of asking if I should be looking for something different in presentation or if we need to change anything.
This is where things get kind of weird. The hospital called today and said that their doctor had done the transcription this morning and that they were sending the results to the ped. I said, "They called yesterday with the results; thanks for getting those to the right doctor for us." "I didn't fax those yesterday. The transcription was not done until this morning." "Did someone else send the preliminaries over?" She did not know, but wanted me to know she was sending the whole thing over to the ped.
Dr. Patel's office called just a few minutes later and asked me to clarify what I knew. I told them what I knew, which was little, but that I just needed to know what the changes meant. She said she would call me back.
Dr. Patel wants the CD of the EEG. This was obviously not what he expected. The CD won't be ready until Tuesday. The hospital has said that they will release the CD to a family member to FedEx to Ohio. I know he read the first one she had with him. I wonder if he will want the ones she had at two-days old and three-months old as well.
So that is where we stand on the little one. We find out all of Will's issues tomorrow. These kids and their brains!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
You don't have to know *everything*
I get that, but it bugs me when other people know more about my kids' health than I do. Like the results of an EEG and the results of Will's five hours of tests this week.
That does cause me to revisit the therapist issue. I will be fascinated, I am sure, about what we find out about Will. Right now, it looks like an auditory processing issue, though we won't know for sure until next Saturday. How much time and money would we have spent with one of the other two options who had no interest in even testing for this? One said he was fine. One said we could just change the way we all act. Will would have continued to struggle; I would have continued to want to put him on ebay, sold by the pound. As Jo said in the comments: It makes you wonder who is getting quality care and who is not.
That does cause me to revisit the therapist issue. I will be fascinated, I am sure, about what we find out about Will. Right now, it looks like an auditory processing issue, though we won't know for sure until next Saturday. How much time and money would we have spent with one of the other two options who had no interest in even testing for this? One said he was fine. One said we could just change the way we all act. Will would have continued to struggle; I would have continued to want to put him on ebay, sold by the pound. As Jo said in the comments: It makes you wonder who is getting quality care and who is not.
Friday, July 08, 2011
No, honey, that's great
So Chris calls and says, "If I tell you about a job interview, will you be upset?"
Head: "No, honey! I have been looking for work for nine months with no success, but you have interviews falling out of the sky for jobs you want. PLEASE tell me all about it."
Mouth: "No! Tell me!" in my ultra-supportive wife voice.
There is an area of IT called "black hat," and it really is all Chris has wanted to do. Pen testing is what excites him and is his dream job. He was talking to a guy at work about training that some of the other departments get to see how he could get that paid for. It quickly turned into an interview. They have a position open; they were getting ready to get a contractor, but the manager really would rather have Chris. It has escalated up to the division manager level in just a few hours.
I mean, good for him and all, but....you know. My professional life is in the shitter.
Head: "No, honey! I have been looking for work for nine months with no success, but you have interviews falling out of the sky for jobs you want. PLEASE tell me all about it."
Mouth: "No! Tell me!" in my ultra-supportive wife voice.
There is an area of IT called "black hat," and it really is all Chris has wanted to do. Pen testing is what excites him and is his dream job. He was talking to a guy at work about training that some of the other departments get to see how he could get that paid for. It quickly turned into an interview. They have a position open; they were getting ready to get a contractor, but the manager really would rather have Chris. It has escalated up to the division manager level in just a few hours.
I mean, good for him and all, but....you know. My professional life is in the shitter.
Monday, July 04, 2011
Sleep deprivation
Remember how many nights I spent driving around Geist on Snooze Cruises with Meara? Every night for two years and often in the middle of the night as well. She needed the sound of a diesel engine to fall asleep. (Some babies just nurse...what was wrong with that girl?)
And now I am trying to keep her awake all night? This just seems wrong. We will start with Tangled, light some sparklers. Move onto Megamind....my goal is 4 AM. If we make it to 3:30, I am OK with it. Chris will get her up at 7.
And now I am trying to keep her awake all night? This just seems wrong. We will start with Tangled, light some sparklers. Move onto Megamind....my goal is 4 AM. If we make it to 3:30, I am OK with it. Chris will get her up at 7.
Friday, July 01, 2011
Checking in
I am checking in because I said that I would.
Meara and I went to COH yesterday to see Dr. Neuro Cutie Pants for what we hope is the last time. I was prepared to fight for an EEG, since she has been seizure free since Feb 9, 2010. The protocol is to wait until 24 months, do an EEG, if it is clear, then wean off meds. He suggested the EEG and gave me the weaning schedule. He said several times, "I am only doing this because I trust you. I have never given the weaning schedule without a clear EEG." Then we talked about our nightmare insurance (fuck you, Advantage!) and how to actually get an EEG. The plan we derived was to have our ped call it in at the hospital where we have coverage. Either the epileptologist at the hospital could read it and call the results into Dr. Neuro Cutie Pants or our ped would just send them to him.
To my shock and amazement, Meara is scheduled for her test at 9 AM on Tuesday. Conveniently, she needs to be sleep deprived for the test. I am certain that on the night before, obnoxious teens in my neighborhood will blow up fire crackers up to the state-mandated end time of 1 AM. Perfect. The last time we did this, we kept her up until 3 and got her up at 7. I don't know if we can pull that off again, but it will be close.
I am trying not to get excited. I am trying to keep Meara's expectations in check, which of course they are. When we talked about it, I said that the test might show that she still has some unusual activity. She just said, "Then I will keep taking 6 milliliters in the morning and six more at night." That one has perspective, for sure.
As for Will, the neuropsych has this week off, which is why we have no updates on that front. Testing will begin, hopefully next Friday or Saturday. He has been a nightmare this week. I really just want to drug him and be done ;-)
I finished and forgot to mention the flirting. I did it. I flirted with Dr. Neuro Cutie Pants. His profile on the website said his fellowship is in neurophysiology. "How many times a week does your wife look at you, shake her head and call you a nerd?" giggle giggle smile
He was really sad to say goodbye to Meara. She is the patient he has had the longest. He started seeing her when she was 20 months. He got a little teary, which was sweet. He kept telling Meara, "I will miss you, but this is a good thing. When you are a neurologist some day, you will understand." Of course Meara told him that she is "all of the ologists."
Meara and I went to COH yesterday to see Dr. Neuro Cutie Pants for what we hope is the last time. I was prepared to fight for an EEG, since she has been seizure free since Feb 9, 2010. The protocol is to wait until 24 months, do an EEG, if it is clear, then wean off meds. He suggested the EEG and gave me the weaning schedule. He said several times, "I am only doing this because I trust you. I have never given the weaning schedule without a clear EEG." Then we talked about our nightmare insurance (fuck you, Advantage!) and how to actually get an EEG. The plan we derived was to have our ped call it in at the hospital where we have coverage. Either the epileptologist at the hospital could read it and call the results into Dr. Neuro Cutie Pants or our ped would just send them to him.
To my shock and amazement, Meara is scheduled for her test at 9 AM on Tuesday. Conveniently, she needs to be sleep deprived for the test. I am certain that on the night before, obnoxious teens in my neighborhood will blow up fire crackers up to the state-mandated end time of 1 AM. Perfect. The last time we did this, we kept her up until 3 and got her up at 7. I don't know if we can pull that off again, but it will be close.
I am trying not to get excited. I am trying to keep Meara's expectations in check, which of course they are. When we talked about it, I said that the test might show that she still has some unusual activity. She just said, "Then I will keep taking 6 milliliters in the morning and six more at night." That one has perspective, for sure.
As for Will, the neuropsych has this week off, which is why we have no updates on that front. Testing will begin, hopefully next Friday or Saturday. He has been a nightmare this week. I really just want to drug him and be done ;-)
I finished and forgot to mention the flirting. I did it. I flirted with Dr. Neuro Cutie Pants. His profile on the website said his fellowship is in neurophysiology. "How many times a week does your wife look at you, shake her head and call you a nerd?" giggle giggle smile
He was really sad to say goodbye to Meara. She is the patient he has had the longest. He started seeing her when she was 20 months. He got a little teary, which was sweet. He kept telling Meara, "I will miss you, but this is a good thing. When you are a neurologist some day, you will understand." Of course Meara told him that she is "all of the ologists."
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Tale of Three Therapists
Therapist Number One
When Will was six, we went to the therapist that our insurance covered. We explained his conduct issues. We asked specifically for more tools to use to help him. His explosive responses to innocuous requests were not normal, and they made him truly unlikeable. That is hard to take as a parent; to love someone from the pit of your heart, but to kind of resent them a little or a lot. As I have told him when he overreacts, “If you were a boyfriend, I would break up with you. I don’t take this crap from anyone.” Well, this therapist dealt mostly with drug addicts, molestation, abuse and really dark issues. She treated us like we were crazy for being there. She said he was “well within the range of normal for a boy his age.” We knew he wasn’t, but we did not have another option.
Thanks, Shitty Insurance Company! I hope you have some horrible scandal that takes you down! Jesus hates you and so does his dad!
This year, I was finally fed the fuck up with his handwriting. Seriously, illegible. He is nine, for god’s sake. I shouldn’t have to ask what everything says. My mom has been on me about it since we homeschooled, and I reached my limit this year. Chris worked with him, the school OT gave suggestions…it helped, but it did not make it “well within the range of normal” so I formally requested testing.
Testing, we got! I am not going to turn this into the “OMG! My son is SO SMART!” Festival. Let’s just say that his scores were unusual. However, what came out of this also was the behavioral piece of his academic life. His teacher’s report was horrible. It was nothing that I would have said, “Oh, no. Not Will. That must only be at school. He would NEVER do that.” It was the frequency and depth of some of the issues that took me aback.
I did not have much time to blog last year, but Will’s teacher has been referred to here as The Delightful One. She has unlimited patience (and Will tested that theory thoroughly last year), and she respects kids. She understands that they are not cookie cutter products, and she tries to see who they really are. If I could afford it, she would be my kids full-time tutor. Anyway, many of his annoying behaviors had either been eliminated, greatly-reduced or remedied. That was not happening this year. I am not going to trash his teacher from this year, but they were not a good match. It just did not work.
Therapist Number Two
What we realized is that we needed to get some help, and if we have to, go into a little debt to get it for him. We went to see a psychologist that dealt with anxiety (which is what sparks Will’s unwanted behavior). Oh, my gosh. His approach was so old school. It seemed to deny the last ten years’ worth of neuropsychology research. He believes that the problem was some dysfunction of the family, and he said that he thought he could change a few things in the family dynamic to fix this. WHAT?! Will was BORN like this. Honestly, Will’s life could be chronicled DAY 1: A child is born. He is called “Will”. DAY 3: Will talks back. This is not a created issue.
He said that he was sorry that we had not had a better experience the first time and we were right to seek help again or else Will could have SERIOUS ISSUES later. We needed to get started to undo the damage.
He also felt that Chris and I had expectations that were too high for our child and for us. Oh, please. It has not been the experience of anyone that I know that low expectations lead to a happy/successful life.
He asked lots of questions, like asking each of us what the other did wrong with when dealing with Will’s backtalk. He asked us each on a scale of one to ten how much Will’s reactions bothered us and how much we thought it bothered our spouse. Lots and lots of talk about me and Chris…..not much about Will. Obviously, we were the ones fucking this kid up.
I had brought the results of his school testing with me. He did not know what the Woodcock-Johnson test (I know, it sound dirty when I say it. It sounds like it measures erections) was, even though it is the standard test given in ALL Indiana schools. (Seriously, I cannot say it with a straight face. Apparently, I am a 12 year-old boy. Woodcock hee hee hee) He cared more about how I felt about the results than the results themselves….if this is the kind of therapy that Woody Allen received, it explains a lot.
I mentioned supplements that I have started to give Will. He “bah”ed me. (I have no idea how to punctuate that). “Bah” like that was the stupidest thing in the world. Um, dude, regardless of your degree, a few hours on Medline might be worth your time. Things have changed since ’78.
“There seems to be a lot of pain here, dealing with this child and this situation.” Oh, shut the fuck up. Yes, it is frustrating, and yes, it is hard to watch your kid struggle. Chris and I are emotionally mature adults with excellent mental health….whatever pain we have that is associated with this, we are dealing with it just fine right now. Can we please focus on the person in the room who is probably the one experiencing some pain he is not equipped to deal with?
He totally painted us with the stereotypical brush….Chris as the harsh disciplinarian and me as the helicopter mom. Chris has a deep well of patience, though it is probably smaller in diameter than mine. If you have read this blog, you know that I loathe and mock helicopterism and fearful parenting. These kids should be on autopilot by sixteen. A good helicopter mom would have had her kid at Kumon or Sylvan when he was four to work these handwriting issues out. Not me. FAIL to recognize a learning disability.
He offered nothing to us at all. He asked if we needed to schedule another appointment and Chris said pointblank “You haven’t told us anything. How would we know if we wanted to come back?” We told him we were shopping and he warned us that someone would try to label Will ADD and would want to medicate him, which he did not believe was the problem. Of course not. Chris and I are the problem! Though I did agree with him that medication was not an option. And if Will gets help, who gives a fuck what they call it? This guy labeled Will a tyrant…..not helpful.
Therapist Number Three (the winner)
The next guy deals specifically with high ability kids who have other issues. AD(H)D, autism spectrum, anxiety. He wanted the case conference report (post for another day), the test results, and his interview seemed geared toward Will. (I thought the test results were with the case conference report, but I was wrong, so I did not have them with us.) He wanted to know what we saw in specific situations. The questions followed a progression. He talked about what sections of the heee hee hee Woodcock-Johnson served as markers for different issues, either autism spectrum or ADD or issues with being strongly gifted in specific areas.
He was with us for two hours. The kids played in the lobby, as it was after hours. He called Will in to ask him questions based on what we had said, while the other guy had completely ignored the kids. When I describe his office, you will be shocked that we stayed.
The man loves Jesus, and I don’t mean that in a nice, MethoPresbyBaptiQuakeDisciplesofChrist kind of way. I mean he LOVES Jesus. I am so glad that the friend who referred us gave me a warning. His walls are covered with pictures of Jesus performing miracles, teaching parables, hanging from wooden planks…In addition, there are pastoral scenes, mountain scenes, ocean scenes, and skyscapes with Bible verses filling the gaps on the wall that do not include paintings of Jesus. All of the end tables and his credenza are covered with two things…..pamphlets about Jesus and cool, geode-type rocks. Meara read “An Introduction to the Book of Romans” while we were there which was in addition to “The Story of John, the Apostle,” “The Resurrection,” “God’s Plan for You,” “Do you know Jesus?” and many other titles that I cannot remember. It was a cross between a geological museum and booth at an evangelical convention.
The friend had told to look past all that, because he was worth it. I had my doubts, folks. I was not optimistic when I got there and saw that his license plate was PSALM 33, which as far as Bible quotes go, is pretty nice. I was ready to bolt if we were asked to pray away the backtalk. The only Jesus-y thing he said was “Have a blessed day” when we left. I wished him one right back. From where I sit, blessings don’t come from only one (or One) place, so take them where you can.
He looked at Will’s writing samples, like his journal for the whole year and spelling tests and marveled with us that his teacher had not thought this was an issue. He said dysgraphia is often an indicator for ADD. The great thing is that he gave us some concrete ways to work with him starting NOW. We have ordered templates that he will use with his eyes closed. Next, he is to finger-write the letter with his non-dominant hand. This will help build those pathways in his brain and make them permanent, which most of us did fairly easily when we were four.
Yes, he does want to dx him as ADD. There are two more tests to perform, but the gap between his processing speed tests and his general intellectual ability are pretty steep. I said I don’t really care about the label, but how do we fix whatever it is? Meds? NO! He has some computer-based programs that kids seem willing to do. He mentioned supplements. When I said Will was on Mg, Zn and l-theanine, he knew exactly what I meant, and we talked about how to introduce 5-HTP later.
He was able to tell us what is happening in what part of the brain when Will is having a bad day. He was able to describe a few ways we can intercept how those things play out and teach Will to do that for himself as well. All good news. I am actually looking forward to the next appointment.
When Will was six, we went to the therapist that our insurance covered. We explained his conduct issues. We asked specifically for more tools to use to help him. His explosive responses to innocuous requests were not normal, and they made him truly unlikeable. That is hard to take as a parent; to love someone from the pit of your heart, but to kind of resent them a little or a lot. As I have told him when he overreacts, “If you were a boyfriend, I would break up with you. I don’t take this crap from anyone.” Well, this therapist dealt mostly with drug addicts, molestation, abuse and really dark issues. She treated us like we were crazy for being there. She said he was “well within the range of normal for a boy his age.” We knew he wasn’t, but we did not have another option.
Thanks, Shitty Insurance Company! I hope you have some horrible scandal that takes you down! Jesus hates you and so does his dad!
This year, I was finally fed the fuck up with his handwriting. Seriously, illegible. He is nine, for god’s sake. I shouldn’t have to ask what everything says. My mom has been on me about it since we homeschooled, and I reached my limit this year. Chris worked with him, the school OT gave suggestions…it helped, but it did not make it “well within the range of normal” so I formally requested testing.
Testing, we got! I am not going to turn this into the “OMG! My son is SO SMART!” Festival. Let’s just say that his scores were unusual. However, what came out of this also was the behavioral piece of his academic life. His teacher’s report was horrible. It was nothing that I would have said, “Oh, no. Not Will. That must only be at school. He would NEVER do that.” It was the frequency and depth of some of the issues that took me aback.
I did not have much time to blog last year, but Will’s teacher has been referred to here as The Delightful One. She has unlimited patience (and Will tested that theory thoroughly last year), and she respects kids. She understands that they are not cookie cutter products, and she tries to see who they really are. If I could afford it, she would be my kids full-time tutor. Anyway, many of his annoying behaviors had either been eliminated, greatly-reduced or remedied. That was not happening this year. I am not going to trash his teacher from this year, but they were not a good match. It just did not work.
Therapist Number Two
What we realized is that we needed to get some help, and if we have to, go into a little debt to get it for him. We went to see a psychologist that dealt with anxiety (which is what sparks Will’s unwanted behavior). Oh, my gosh. His approach was so old school. It seemed to deny the last ten years’ worth of neuropsychology research. He believes that the problem was some dysfunction of the family, and he said that he thought he could change a few things in the family dynamic to fix this. WHAT?! Will was BORN like this. Honestly, Will’s life could be chronicled DAY 1: A child is born. He is called “Will”. DAY 3: Will talks back. This is not a created issue.
He said that he was sorry that we had not had a better experience the first time and we were right to seek help again or else Will could have SERIOUS ISSUES later. We needed to get started to undo the damage.
He also felt that Chris and I had expectations that were too high for our child and for us. Oh, please. It has not been the experience of anyone that I know that low expectations lead to a happy/successful life.
He asked lots of questions, like asking each of us what the other did wrong with when dealing with Will’s backtalk. He asked us each on a scale of one to ten how much Will’s reactions bothered us and how much we thought it bothered our spouse. Lots and lots of talk about me and Chris…..not much about Will. Obviously, we were the ones fucking this kid up.
I had brought the results of his school testing with me. He did not know what the Woodcock-Johnson test (I know, it sound dirty when I say it. It sounds like it measures erections) was, even though it is the standard test given in ALL Indiana schools. (Seriously, I cannot say it with a straight face. Apparently, I am a 12 year-old boy. Woodcock hee hee hee) He cared more about how I felt about the results than the results themselves….if this is the kind of therapy that Woody Allen received, it explains a lot.
I mentioned supplements that I have started to give Will. He “bah”ed me. (I have no idea how to punctuate that). “Bah” like that was the stupidest thing in the world. Um, dude, regardless of your degree, a few hours on Medline might be worth your time. Things have changed since ’78.
“There seems to be a lot of pain here, dealing with this child and this situation.” Oh, shut the fuck up. Yes, it is frustrating, and yes, it is hard to watch your kid struggle. Chris and I are emotionally mature adults with excellent mental health….whatever pain we have that is associated with this, we are dealing with it just fine right now. Can we please focus on the person in the room who is probably the one experiencing some pain he is not equipped to deal with?
He totally painted us with the stereotypical brush….Chris as the harsh disciplinarian and me as the helicopter mom. Chris has a deep well of patience, though it is probably smaller in diameter than mine. If you have read this blog, you know that I loathe and mock helicopterism and fearful parenting. These kids should be on autopilot by sixteen. A good helicopter mom would have had her kid at Kumon or Sylvan when he was four to work these handwriting issues out. Not me. FAIL to recognize a learning disability.
He offered nothing to us at all. He asked if we needed to schedule another appointment and Chris said pointblank “You haven’t told us anything. How would we know if we wanted to come back?” We told him we were shopping and he warned us that someone would try to label Will ADD and would want to medicate him, which he did not believe was the problem. Of course not. Chris and I are the problem! Though I did agree with him that medication was not an option. And if Will gets help, who gives a fuck what they call it? This guy labeled Will a tyrant…..not helpful.
Therapist Number Three (the winner)
The next guy deals specifically with high ability kids who have other issues. AD(H)D, autism spectrum, anxiety. He wanted the case conference report (post for another day), the test results, and his interview seemed geared toward Will. (I thought the test results were with the case conference report, but I was wrong, so I did not have them with us.) He wanted to know what we saw in specific situations. The questions followed a progression. He talked about what sections of the heee hee hee Woodcock-Johnson served as markers for different issues, either autism spectrum or ADD or issues with being strongly gifted in specific areas.
He was with us for two hours. The kids played in the lobby, as it was after hours. He called Will in to ask him questions based on what we had said, while the other guy had completely ignored the kids. When I describe his office, you will be shocked that we stayed.
The man loves Jesus, and I don’t mean that in a nice, MethoPresbyBaptiQuakeDisciplesofChrist kind of way. I mean he LOVES Jesus. I am so glad that the friend who referred us gave me a warning. His walls are covered with pictures of Jesus performing miracles, teaching parables, hanging from wooden planks…In addition, there are pastoral scenes, mountain scenes, ocean scenes, and skyscapes with Bible verses filling the gaps on the wall that do not include paintings of Jesus. All of the end tables and his credenza are covered with two things…..pamphlets about Jesus and cool, geode-type rocks. Meara read “An Introduction to the Book of Romans” while we were there which was in addition to “The Story of John, the Apostle,” “The Resurrection,” “God’s Plan for You,” “Do you know Jesus?” and many other titles that I cannot remember. It was a cross between a geological museum and booth at an evangelical convention.
The friend had told to look past all that, because he was worth it. I had my doubts, folks. I was not optimistic when I got there and saw that his license plate was PSALM 33, which as far as Bible quotes go, is pretty nice. I was ready to bolt if we were asked to pray away the backtalk. The only Jesus-y thing he said was “Have a blessed day” when we left. I wished him one right back. From where I sit, blessings don’t come from only one (or One) place, so take them where you can.
He looked at Will’s writing samples, like his journal for the whole year and spelling tests and marveled with us that his teacher had not thought this was an issue. He said dysgraphia is often an indicator for ADD. The great thing is that he gave us some concrete ways to work with him starting NOW. We have ordered templates that he will use with his eyes closed. Next, he is to finger-write the letter with his non-dominant hand. This will help build those pathways in his brain and make them permanent, which most of us did fairly easily when we were four.
Yes, he does want to dx him as ADD. There are two more tests to perform, but the gap between his processing speed tests and his general intellectual ability are pretty steep. I said I don’t really care about the label, but how do we fix whatever it is? Meds? NO! He has some computer-based programs that kids seem willing to do. He mentioned supplements. When I said Will was on Mg, Zn and l-theanine, he knew exactly what I meant, and we talked about how to introduce 5-HTP later.
He was able to tell us what is happening in what part of the brain when Will is having a bad day. He was able to describe a few ways we can intercept how those things play out and teach Will to do that for himself as well. All good news. I am actually looking forward to the next appointment.
Solar power
Being Will's mom has been hard for most of his nine years. Eighteen months to 36 months....the only real break that I feel like I have had. He had terrific, not terrible, twos. I was rocking Meara the other day and thinking, I could have had three of these. Then I realized that I have three, but two of them (in terms of output required) are in the body of my son.
However, the fact that he is wicked smart makes up for it.
Today is Blob Day at our house. The first day of summer break, when no one does anything. He had this done by 9 AM.
I will give a full Will update when we have more information about his dysgraphia and other issues. Overall extremely good news. If I get a chance tonight, I will tell the tale of three therapists ;-)
However, the fact that he is wicked smart makes up for it.
Today is Blob Day at our house. The first day of summer break, when no one does anything. He had this done by 9 AM.
I will give a full Will update when we have more information about his dysgraphia and other issues. Overall extremely good news. If I get a chance tonight, I will tell the tale of three therapists ;-)
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